considering lent: 3 years of journey

every year this journey of lent gets me...
leaves me questioning, searching, digging deeper.
today i read-

Today, we begin our Lenten pilgrimage in a 40 day trek to the cross, where we remember the sufferings of Christ and His stubborn love toward us.

that hits me hard, right in the gut. HIS LOVE. HIS SACRIFICE. 

it's good to go back & read - year 1: lent of don't & year 2: lent of don't plus some
and in all honestly, i fail at lent. every year this considering, this lent of don't has left me flailing, falling, failing.
and that's okay too. it brings me closer to HIM. to the SAVIOR of my life. PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME.

but i know this:
i want more for my life, more for my family.
every Christmas as the lights and the tree and the ornaments and presents and traditions grow i can't help but question, why isn't Easter bigger?
on Easter we celebrate His DEATH & RESURRECTION!
for goodness sakes, without this we would be nothing. like dust.
but we are ALIVE IN HIM.
PRAISE JESUS FOR HE IS RISEN.
i want to shout it from the rooftops, sing until i can't sing anymore, live it with my whole life!
but for some reason Christmas gets all the attention...
i've talked with a sweet friend and she gets it too. the confusion & frustration & questioning. for that i am grateful. her family, they take the Trail to the Tree- an Easter Devotional.
i think i'd like to get our family on this trail as well.

but for now, we've agreed on this 40 Days of Water with Blood Water Mission 
the basic concept- give up all drinks except for water for the next 40 days & the money you save not buying coffee, beer, etc you donate to get safe drinking water to Uganda.
i think this will be a great challenge. a challenge for sure.
but a good challenge for this lent. as we prepare to celebrate the risen one. 

Lord, prepare our hearts as we chose to focus on You. for the next forty days allow us to humbly approach Your throne with thanksgiving for the gift of water, for the gift of LIFE EVERLASTING & the gift of YOUR HOPE. we praise You & thank You. amen.

Considering Lent... year 2

so here it is again. 40 days till easter. ash wednesday. the beginning of Lent.
i sit pondering what is the purpose of this old Catholic tradition. what does it mean in my life, in the life of my family. much to my surprise my husband was already planning on speaking on it to our youth group. sacrifice. giving something up. preparing your heart. focusing on Him.

Our sacrificing that we might become more like Christ in His sacrifice.

and then i'm sitting on the couch reading my blog... because i don't remember much & i like to look back. and i find this. whoa. i honestly don't remember. and then my honesty in my failure... my lent of don't. and i'm so thankful for this silly blog that not too many people read, because it's not about others reading- it's about me remembering.
and then i'm reading what she says about What Lent Really Means...
and i hear my husband speak on sacrifice & focusing. and see him living example & giving up his iPhone. he's all in. preparing his heart for the day that means everything.
so this year for Lent i'm preparing my heart. i'm ready to lean on Him, to trust Him in my failing, to sacrifice & focus.
1. another Lent of Don't
8 days to read through the gospels
8 days of giving
8 goodies given to neighbors
8 days each given to intentionally pray for 8 people
8 hand written notes of love
2. giving up of facebook & fiction books- more time to focus on Him
3. making it way through her Easter Devotional- Trail to the Tree

Lord, prepare me. let this season grow me and change me. let it open my eyes more fully to Your love and grace. so thankful for this life. for this sacrificing and preparing.

Lent of Don't {2}

Don’t Give Up Shopping.

So I've already seen how much I failed the first 8 days. Let's hope I can make it through these 8 days... Not with more success. But with more selflessness, sacrifice, grace, and love...

*update 3/21
Day 9, March 17: $10 to my friend, Kelsey Bradley who is fundraising for Invisible Children
Day 10, March18: $5 turned into $10 for Japan Relief through livingsocial deals
Day11, March 19: $20 for our friends and fellow youth pastors, Catherine and Aaron Banks. They recently were in a terrible car accident and have a long road to recovery... Needing all the support they can get! More about & updates. Donate.
Day 12, March 20: $10 to the Southern Colorado AIDS Project. Amazing organization.
Day 13, March 21: $10 to the Southern Colorado AIDS Project.
Day 14, March 22: $5 to the Adventure Project. for World Water Day
Day 15, March 23: $10 to Vision Trust. where it is needed most.
Day 16, March 24: $10 to Vision Trust. where it is needed most.

Goal: Pick a missionary or charity for giving and send a financial gift-every day of Lent, every week, whatever.

I don't know what I will giving to... I'll let you know when I find out...

Honestly,

Honestly, I am a failure.
I only finished Matthew. Really? The first day I read ch. 1-14. Just like I was "suppose" to... And it was so great.
But then somehow it took me 7 more freaking days to finish the 14 other chapters...
Honestly, I know that I am a sinner.
And man, I'm aware of that right now.
I can't even set aside like 45 minutes a day to "sacrifice, commit, whatever you want to call it" to read through the Gospels in 8 days as I prepare my heart for Lent? No, I can't. I didn't.
And I've read this other blog talking about how failing at Lent sacrifices is just as "great" as going through with them because it makes us aware of our current condition and just how badly we really need Jesus. Really need what He did on that cross.
I don't think I'm there yet. I mean, I know it. But I don't "believe" it.

So as I enter into the next 8 days of this new Lenten sacrifice of mine... I'm going to finish reading through the Gospels. Because I'm stubborn and I want to say that I did it. And I want to check them off. And because I want to prove to myself, God, I don't know who that I'm not a complete failure... Ugh.

*insert begging for forgiveness from a Heavenly Father who loves me more than I will ever comprehend. and thankfulness for the ultimate sacrifice. one I will never understand*

Lent of Don't

Don’t Give Up Television.

The first 8 days of Lent. I won't be giving up television... I'll still be watching my Kathie Lee & Hoda and Teen Mom 2 {Ha}.
But after I watch my morning KLG & Hoda, I'll be preparing my heart for Easter by reading the Word of God.
For whatever reason, I think I need to read through the Gospels.

Here's the plan:
Day 1, March 9: Matthew 1-14
Day 2, March 10: Matthew 15-28
Day 3, March 11: Mark 1-8
Day 4, March 12: Mark 9-18
Day 5, March 13: Luke 1-12
Day 6, March 14: Luke 13-24
Day 7, March 15: John 1-10
Day 8, March 16: John 11-21

Thank you Lord for this discipline. For this prepartion. For this sacrificing. I pray that each day that I do more reading of Your Word I learn, grow, and glorify You. Becoming more holy. For You and only You.