my daily struggle

get it all done. 
wash all the dishes. 
clean off the table. 
pick up the living room. 
change your flipping clothes. 
finish your sewing project. 
clean off the desk. 
mail those tupperware invites. 
work on the baby album. 
organize his 3-6mo clothes. 
o and don't forget about your job
this is my daily struggle. 
fighting against the voice in my head that tells me i have to get it all done
that voice. it's a voice that lies. 
it tells me that if i don't get it all done i'm worthless, 
that i'm not good enough, 
that my husband will think less of me, 
i am not enough. 

but there is another voice out there, a voice of Truth.
that voice tells me I am His, 
that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, 
that my worth is found completely in Him, 
that He loves me. 
Christ loves me despite my inability to get it all done. 
Christ loves me despite my sin. 
Christ loves me right where I am at. 
and right now, 
i'm struggling to find balance, 
struggling to fight off that voice that lies, 
struggling to open His Word and read His Truths, 
but I know He loves me and forgives me. 
and that's what keep me going. 

literally, an answer to prayer...

i was lying in bed today thinking of all these amazing people in my life.
each and every one of them is literally an answer to a prayer. 
maybe it was prayer i prayed years ago, or just the other day. 
and with with most of them, my prayers were small, but His answer was big.

as i look at my wonderful friends i see God's faithfulness all around... 

most of my life i prayed for my future husband. 
a man of God. a man of character. someone to love like nothing else. 
the man of my dreams. 

in high school, i prayed for a Godly friend. 
one that would walk with me in my faith, challenge me, and hold me accountable. 
i also prayed for laughter. for a friend who i could have fun with. 

my first year in college, i prayed for just one true friend. just one. 

after we first got married, i prayed {and cried} for friend's who would walk alongside us. who were right in the same stage as us. one for manny, one for me. some sweet couple friends. 
~tyler & kaci~ 

after we met them & became close friends i prayed and begged the Lord to bless them with a baby, all in his perfect timing. 
today, i got to hold and kiss and love on that precious baby girl. God is so faithful. 

all along i prayed for our family. sometime. in His timing. our family. 

i remember feeling like i was doing this whole thing alone... all i needed was some advice! i prayed for women to walk this journey with. strong, prayerful, wise, loving, courageous. 
~mandy, amber, kacy, tara, dani, sarah, renae, sarah & so many others~

i prayed for a job. 
~jackson, indy, & jack~

i prayed for support. for community. 
~alethia church~ 

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.
Psalm 36:5

there are so many more. so many answers to prayers. 
God is so faithful. 
His love is unending. 
i am so thankful. 

this is why i blog...

i blog so that i can remember... 
remember moments like these:

it's been a long day. a good day. but a long day. 
jackson came to play. we meet auntie nicole at the park for lunch. i worked quite a bit. we went to a friend's 6th birthday party. manny's been working lots of overtime. it was 8:43pm on a friday night and he was sound asleep. 
but i was feeding my boy. 
after his belly was full, it was time for bed. 
being way past normal bed time i thought... 
maybe, just maybe  he'll lay his head on my shoulder and cuddle a bit... 

so i pick up that cute boy of mine and start to lay his head on my shoulder. 
he fights. 
i will not surrender, momma. never. 
after a few minutes he unwillingly lays his head on my chest.
so sweet, i think. 
then he starts babbling. 
the funniest babbles i've ever heard.
and all i could do was giggle. 
and he babbled some more. 
and then, suddenly, sat straight up, looked me square in the face
and flashed the most beautiful grin i'd ever seen. 
and i teared up and thanked God for this amazing boy

i blog so that i can remember... 
remember moments like these.

embrace the camera: 5/17/2012

embracing the camera today
{playing on the floor with my cute boy}

linking up with emily over at the anderson crew 

excited for tonight. 
making birthday dinner for my momma!
pecan crusted chicken on field greens with homemade dressing. 
a recipe blog might follow... 

happy birthday to my momma

you are the best Kma in the entire world. 
i love laughing with you and cuddling with you. 
thank you for taking care of me when mom & dad are gone. 
i love playing games with you. 
thanks for making diaper changing so much fun. 
i love riding in the car with you because i get to look at you. 
you are probably my 3rd favorite person in the world right now. 
i can't wait to go on wild adventures with you as i get older. 
i love you. love you. love you. 
i'm really going to miss you on your trip. but you can't miss me too much. 
i can't wait to see you and give you more kisses. 
love always, 
your first grandbaby, 

Dr. K, 
 Glad you were born! Didn't Kim pick out the best picture of me with you:) Mother Theresa can't touch you... No really she can't, she is dead. You are amazing and that is why my wife is so amazing so thank you for staying alive. I look forward to many more years of you healing me, and teaching me. Keep stickin it to the man! 
Love Manny

 there really are no words. 
i'm just really, really happy your my mom. and the Kma to my Joshie. 
you are beyond incredible at loving, cooking, laughing, helping, advising, teaching, dreaming, believing, and everything else. 
i hope that one day i can be a fraction of the mother you are.
can you believe that i was pregnant with our sweet boy in that picture up there?
thanks for holding my hand and walking through this life with me. 
i truly hope you have an amazing birthday and the perfect trip. 
we will certainly miss you, but it will be so great. 
you deserve the world! 
i really just love you so much. 
i am so thankful for you. 
i could not ask for a better momma and Kma. 
thank you, thank you, thank you. 
love, your daughter 
we love you!

tuesday thoughts

i can't get it out of my head this morning...
manny and i were laying in bed. manny asked what i was thinking about... i said i was thinking about how i need to win the lottery. he asked why. well i replied, i need a new swimsuit and a new nursing bra. {my only none bikini swimsuit was streched to the max last summer when i wore it all pregnant and huge. and if you saw the condition of this nursing bra you would probably die}.
and his reply: just trust in the Lord.
trust in the Lord...? for a swimsuit & a new nursing bra?
trust in the Lord with ALL your heart. 
not just the part that worries about the health of my baby or the salvation of his heart.
not just the part that thinks about careers and futures and bills.
but the whole thing. even the part that thinks about this sweat stained, nasty looking bra.

also been thinking about mother's day...
i had a wonderful day.
friday- my hubby let me sleep in and brought me my favorite coffe :)
sunday- i had a delicious stuffed-french-toast- breakfast with my mom and family. church. lunch out with my mom, dad, brother, sister, husband, baby, and dani. then some relaxing. manny made a steak dinner. we watched the vow. plus i got some super fun gifts.
really a wonderful day to celebrate my beyond amazing mother & to be honored as a momma to my sweet Joshua.
but i know. mother's day is really hard for some people. and it's hard for me to reconcile my own joy & blessing with being sensitive and understanding to others that have a harder time.... i just don't know. 

the weather over the weekend- yuck.
but since it has been so lovely. long walks in the afternoon. park time with dear friends and our adorable babies. green grass. lots of mowing. sunshine streaming in through the windows. windows down. shorts. flip flops. bare feet baby toes. really. i just...
thank you Jesus. for this wonderful season. 

we just finished up our monday morning study for this semester. we study jonah the old fashioned way: no books or other peoples ideas, just questions and conversations. ladies talking it up around the coffee table. it was a change from last semester. such a great change. i am so thankful for these ladies and their hearts. their willingness to share and be vulnearble and ask each other the hard questions. and shout out to my boy- who slept like an angel every single study in the upstairs room. i'm one blessed momma!

speaking of that boy- he's all over the place! i would say 90% crawl. so cool to see how he's grown and developed. at his 6 month check up-
16lb 3oz- 23 percentile. 27 inches- 58 percentile. and a big head- 70 percentile. cried with his shots but as the nurse was walking out he was a-grinnin'!

since starting solid food i'm a little amazed at the amount of dirty clothes he has! between getting food all over the place and having the NASTIEST blow outs. i've got Joshua laundry up to my ears... one day i'll be really, really, really, really thankful for a washer/dryer in my house...

life is good. God is great. 
i am so thankful for this life.

tuesday thoughts

so just pretend i wrote this yesterday... 

life here lately has been pretty crazy. my new job is a little bit more than i expected... it's still good, but i'm just getting used to working more than i thought i would be.

joshua's been struggling a bit- getting some new teeth, i believe. and then yesterday at his 6 month appointment he had to get some shots too.  shots + teething = rough life.
{the paper was o-so-exciting though}

i've been listening to lots of Boyce Avenue. if you've never heard of him. listen to him. he's amazing. seriously. 
 the moths are insane. i'm getting a little better at containing my fear. killing them myself.
{seriously moth who do you think you are? landing on my tv?}

God is doing some crazy stuff here. Like i don't even know. His plans are so beyond my comprehension. {maybe i'll share more on this someday}

i made a totally awesome dessert monday night. No-Bake Peanut Butter Rice Krispy Cookies. seriously make them. easy. delicious. my tip- add a little chocolate to the top for extra goodness.

joshua's solid food lineup- sweet potatoes. avacado. banana. 
i think he likes the avocado the best. as gram says, it's smoooooth.  
{he's really cute}

saturday was my "official i'm-too--cheap-to-pay-for-a-race-but-need-motivation 5 miler." all in all i would say it was a huge success. a lovely run down the sante fe trail. early may sunshine. good friends. awesome. and a 7 year old ran. he's awesome. and renae kicked our behinds. thinking of starting a once-a-month running club of sorts... 

mother's day is sunday. my first real mothers day. my magical plan- get panera to go after church & go to the park. the weather- 55 and raining. nevermind. now i have to think up some other plan. ugh.

joshua is awake again. damn those teeth. he's been waking up at about 6am every morning. damn those teeth. i really never thought teething would be such a big deal. who was i kidding. damn those teeth.
{but he is so cute}

going to rescue my son. find the orajel. and go the library. 
its better when we get out of the house. 
(for all of us)

we talk.

every night we put our sweet baby to bed,
finish up stuff around the house {trash, dishes, overall mess},
climb into bed ourselves,
watch a little {big bang theory} {how i met your mother} {the voice} {etc} --- thank you hulu+ 
tell ourselves it's too late and we need to be sleeping,
turn off the lights,
and talk.

we talk about our day- who we encountered, what we did, what we saw.
we talk about our boy- his cuteness, fussiness, diapers, bathes, and everything in between.
we talk about work- what's new, how we feel about it, what we worked on.
we talk about church- how it's going, how we're feeling about it, what's coming up.
we talk about AlethiaYouth- what's coming up, what needs to be done, the funny things our kids say.
and we talk about our hearts...

the days our long and we're always rushing from one thing to the next.
there's little time to talk about anything else besides what's for dinner, who's changing the next diaper, and if we have the directions.

but late at night. when the lights our off. and our boy is sound asleep.
we talk.

most nights it's well past midnight by the time our sentences turn to "uh huh" and "hmmm" and we've run out of words.
most nights we fall asleep knowing we will wake up exhausted.
but it's so worth it to me. 

because it's in that darkness that we ask each other for forgiveness.
it's in that darkness that i learn how to pray for my husband. and he learns to pray for me.
it's in that darkness that our hearts connect.
it's in that darkness that we become one.

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'  and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ?  So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

i am so thankful for that time. 
every night. we take the time to be one. to connect. to love. 
even on days when i am too tired to think straight, i am thankful that i stayed up late just to talk to my true love.

embrace the camera: 5/3/12

saturday night Manny & i got all dressed up to go to 
{o the joys of working for a high school}

we had a wonderful dinner with my parents and his other co-worker alex and his girlfriend, tiffany. 
then i worked with my mom, tiffany, and i checked id's 
and also voted on the best dressed.
so fun :)
thanks auntie karla for watching joshie! 

linking up with the anderson crew @
happy embrace the camera thursday!

Joshua Manuel: 6 months

My sweet boy. You are 6 months old. This is very hard to believe. We are half way through a year. Double this time and you will be one year old. My goodness. Honestly, everyday is just as great as the last... if not better. 
Sure, there were some difficult days... Like when you would feed for 2 minutes, pull off, scream your head off crying, and then latch back on like I'd never fed you one day in your life. Or when started screaming, like a high pitched bird or pterodactyl scream... And did it all day for like 3 days straight. {you still do it now, but in small doses so I'm dealing much better}  Yes, I've come to learn there are hard days, good days, bad days, and even great days. Through it all I am just so thankful for you. You are truly an amazing gift from God. I love everything about you.
This month you have become incredible mobile! You can roll just about everywhere. And if you don't roll there you get on you arch your back and scoot forward with your head. It's so crazy! You've also perfected "downward dog" and are getting more comfortable on your knees. Uncle Matthew was teaching you to army crawl. You did well for a while with him by your side, but you've since given up. We're starting to become very aware of what's on the floor & all the things you can reach.
 Another great thing about this month has been the weather! We've got to the park with Jackson, gone on many walks, sat outside with you in excersaucer on the deck, played with the grass and new leaves on the trees. It's all so fun.

We celebrated Easter this month. He is Risen! You looked VERY cute in your Easter outfit :)\ ~Thanks Tante Gretta!
 Mommy started a new job this month. It's been really great, but a lot of upfront work. The days have been going by at ultra-speed. Once we settle into a good grove it will about about 10-15hours a week. I really enjoy the work & I get to do it all from home! Such a blessing :)
 And lastly, you started solid food at the end of this month! 
First Food: Sweet Potatoes
First Impression: What the heck is this?
You were pretty confused, gagged quite a bit as you tried to figure out the whole swallowing thing...
But on your second day of sweet potatoes you did great! Totally loved it. No gagging. Awesome. 
{only have pictures of the first time}

 {those pictures are too funny!}
Joshua, you are just the sweetest boy. Everyone is so amazed at how friendly you are and you honestly smile at everything!
 We love you more and more everyday!
 Love, your Momma & Daddy