a good word:

last weekend I had the privilege of visiting Kaci, to celebrate her 30th birthday & enjoy time with her family. i can think of nothing but utter thankfulness for the time. on Sunday we went to their church and their pastor was speaking on "Relationships: Ruin & Redemption: A Sermon About Mommy Guilt," specifically Ephesians 6:4,
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, 
but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

He gave such a good word that I feel like I must write it down! 
The is a distinct difference between Guilt, Conviction, and Condemnation. 

Guilt is from PEOPLE
This is SOMEONE making you feel like you don't add up to their expectations. 

Conviction is from the HOLY SPIRIT. 
The Holy Spirit living inside us, becomes uncomfortable with our action(s) of sin. The Holy Spirit lovingly and gently points a finger at an ACTION and says that was not lovely, pure, of me, etc. 

Condemnation is from SATAN. 
Satan says YOU are failure, I hate YOU, YOU have ruined everything. Your action is not condemned, YOU are condemned.

And what I'm dealing with everyday is not "mommy guilt," it's mommy CONDEMNATION and it is of the Enemy. The lie I am believing that my children's well-being, in this life and the next, is based completely on my performance as a mother. 
It is a lie that must be combated with the Truth of the Word of God and the love of the Gospel! 
The Word says, "For there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
The Truth says, Jesus Christ is my child's Savior, not me! 
The Gospel says, I do not have to be a perfect parent. I need to a broken parent that ushers myself & my children to the throne of the King. They need a sinner parent who knows that they deeply need Christ. We have a Savior who never slumbers or sleeps and who loves my kids way more than I love my kids. As I fail, He is more than sufficient. 
The Truth is: 
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

if you want to listen (and I highly suggest you do if this is something you struggle with) here is the link.

Kennedy Maren: 9 & 10 months

Well, my dear sweet girl. I did it. I officially have not done one your monthly "letters" and am having to combine two months. But goodness gracious you are wonderful. You are sweet and gaining the funniest little personality. You say "uh oh" at all the right moments. You can clap and wave- only when you really want to. You are "cruising" along all the furniture and spend a lot of time sitting on your knees. You are wearing 18month clothes & have the most wonderful thighs. Your hair is growing in- light brown, I think. You're eyes have turned more gray than blue. You still love hot bottles and are on formula all the time now. Most of the time you sleep through the night, but every once and a while you like to get up around 4am- keeps us on our toes. You love playing with your brothers and Joshua's dancing always makes your laugh. You're doing pretty good at the food thing, favorites include pirates booty, stew, and noodles. You still don't really like sweet stuff or fruit, but have recently enjoyed strawberries & oranges. You love to hang upside down. It does not matter how tired you are, you do not sleep in the car. You still love, love, love your little bunny and sucking your thumb when you fall asleep.

During your 9th and 10th months we celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas. Thanksgiving was of course all about the food at Auntie Karla & Uncle Dan's. O and the dogs. YOU LOVE THE DOGS. It was so fun having watching you enjoy your First Christmas! You got a stocking, some new moccasins, lots of clothes, a couple fun "girl" toys, and your brothers picked out a cute shirt for you. You loved being around all of our families and Kaitlynn was super sweet to you on Pollard Christmas. I am praying your sweet, special "only-girl-Pollard-cousin" relationship continues!

You still only have 2 teeth and I thought for certain by now your front two teeth would pop through, but alas they have not. You got a mild cold, but nothing too serious. You take two naps and most of the time wake up in the middle of your afternoon nap to just be heard then fall back asleep for another hour. Your bedtime is pretty strictly 6:45 or 7pm, but if we are out you quietly observe and don't fuss too much. You are usually awake right about 7am.

Just the other day, you totally surprised me and starting climbing up the stairs at small group. I didn't even know you knew how to go up stairs! I am very thankful- you never pull out your bows or hair ties. I've even given you your first "ponytail," right on the top of you head! The cuteness is almost more than I can bare! You enjoy bath time with your brothers, until you don't, then you really don't! You love love love your grandmas!

9/10 month Stats: 
Height: 30 in
Weight: 21lbs 10oz
Head Circumference: 17.5in
Size Clothes: 18months
Size Diapers: 4

 Kennedy Girl, we love you o so very much. You are sweet and lovely and we are so thankful for you!
we love you more and more everyday! 
love, your momma